Lack of Focus with Spiritual Growth

I used to joke with my husband that I either did my workout or the dishes...it was true.  But now that my physical body is stronger and my stamina has increased I am able to fit in both.  That being said...I notice the mental and spiritual fatigue that much more.  I think taking care of the body is the easiest first step on this journey because unless you feel well physically, it is tough to take care of the mind and soul.

Something needed to change so that I can build the strength in the mental and spiritual bodies too.  However, that is easier said than done.  I feel like that dog from Up, constantly distracted by that 'SQUIRREL'.  We laugh but it is so true.  I sit down with a book and then hear about another great one that pulls my focus and on, and on.

 

Having so many good resources in this day and age is great!!  We can easily get a book on our phones, so many podcasts, apps and other resources to access these tools.  With that for me comes so much inspiration and excitement and that has gotten me into some trouble with focusing on one task at a time.

 

Here are a few things that helped me to reign in my enthusiasm and regain the focus to continue to learn and grow:

1. Take a breath and just relax!

Part of the struggle for me is wanting to learn as much as possible as quick as possible.  The trouble with this is that I want to learn everything...that I end up not learning anything.  I used to think this was my "all or nothing" personality; either I do it all or I do nothing.  I am coming to realize this for me was an excuse for having no focus and eventually just give up trying.  So take a DEEP breath with me and relax.  Just learn to enjoy the journey...that other thing will be there for when you finish what you are working on now.

 

2. Start with what is really calling to you!

Enthusiasm for me was never a problem until I had to create my own curriculum.  After completing school for a while I thought it was all about just work.  Making money to create a life.  I have slowly realized that our human experience is to never stop learning.  For quite a while I was in a yoga studio that curated what I was learning but having left that environment to create my own path, it has been difficult to choose what to focus on.  So I just picked what is calling to me at that moment and moved forward.

3. Create a series of lists!

I find that these lists are helpful to keep my focus!  "Oh look at that great new book" add that to the list.  "Ooo, that podcast sounds awesome" add that to the list.  I have a list for almost everything!  Books, podcasts, yoga classes/courses, and even big dreams.  Things that I would love to do that just aren't in the cards right now.  Yes sometimes I look at these lists and think...I should be getting these done faster...but in the end, I can only go so fast.  There is no way to speed up spiritual growth, one day, one book, one class at a time.

4. Keep an open mind!

For quite sometime I thought I had to pick a certain path, like there was only one direction for me.  I quickly learned that is quite restricting and there is so much more out there.  Don't allow your focus to be pulled into tunnel vision.  I am not talking about just certain subject but also different teachers on the same subject.  They maybe teaching about the same thing but the different perspective may help you understand just that much more.

5. Surround yourself with support!

This for me has been quite the learning curve.  I thought I wanted to have a big group that I could engage with and for a while I did that.  I started in church, then through Facebook groups, then the yoga studio.  I learned quickly that large groups are not for me.  I got very overwhelmed with so many people and trying to engage with each and every one.  I found a few good friends and of course my husband and we help support each other along this journey.  Find what works best for you and grow with them.

6. Don't forget to set some goals!

This is so important!  I found that setting small goals was best for my personality.  I still fall into that all or nothing mentality easily.  I must meditate for 30 minutes.  I must read this book in a day.  I must do all these things now and get to my goal.  The truth is that this journey is just that a journey.  There is no end goal, but that can easily turn into almost a lazy approach and never completing anything.  These goals are important but should not be an "end" goal.  Keep them simple and inspired, never restricting and impossible.

7. Realize that it is never perfect!

I seriously fall into what I call "growth burnout".  Sometimes, I dive in to learning and spiritual growth so hard that I find myself mentally and spiritually exhausted.  I used to come down pretty hard on myself because who has time for a break with all the things I have on my list.  But sometimes...you just need to read a good fiction book, listen to a fun podcast or even just jam to some music.  Not only do I feel that it is not only normal but good for the soul.  There is nothing better than having balance!

These are a few things that worked for me but in the end it is up to you.  What do you need to keep on working towards your best self??  Take it one day at a time and just enjoy the journey.  You path is unique and there really isn't anything stopping you from moving forward.  Choose a path, make a plan and just enjoy! 💓

Lift and Shift program by Jessica Smith

I am so excited to be writing a review of this new program by Jessica, you can find all the info here.  Sign up for the new round is from June 21st to 28th!

 

I have been working out with Jessica since about 2008 and I was thrilled to hear she was releasing a new program.  I have gone through many of her programs including all 3 rotations of her Walk Strong programs, which I loved.  This one not only takes things to a new level but brings an entire new element focusing on mental health.  This is the SHIFT portion of this routine and something that I have really been working on in my own personal life the last several years.

 

I have done a heavy weight workout on her YouTube channel and absolutely loved it and was always wanting more.  This program offered that and so much more!  I completed most of the program with 15, 12 and 8 lb weights.  Month 1 I used 10 lbs but realized it was not quite enough and after not being able to find 12 lb weights anywhere, I literally zip-tied a pair of 2 lb weights to my 10 lb.  Whatever works. 😉  I wasn't able to find the gliders so just used the paper plates as recommended and they also worked like a charm.  I also didn't really have a step, so used my daughters step stool.  Here is a link provided by Jessica on her page for the equipment used.

Most of the movement I have done usually are around 30 mins, so when I purchased this, I was shocked that most were around 50 mins.  After beginning the program I was amazed how quickly the time flew.  The workout rotation is 12 weeks and while month 1 you spend time learning the workouts, month 2 I really got comfortable with them and pushed my limits, it was month 3 was truly a challenge.  I really felt like that third month wrapped the program up well and made me truly feel the progress.

Now while this is a strength focused routine, most of the sessions are in a circuit format so you get a pretty good cardio effect in each one.  One of the best parts of this program is the "rep range".  Most of the workouts when I started, I was frustrated that I couldn't do as many reps as I wanted.  BUT I am happy to say I pushed past that and by the end of the program I could complete almost every rep...with the exception of a few in my weaker areas.

 

Now to the best part, the different workout sessions.  I want to just briefly give my experience with each as to help you see what is in store with each one!

Session 1: Total Body Strength (50 mins)

We started the rotation with this one and it quickly became one of my favorite.  You work through each of the sets once through fully then have the option to do a second round, or if you are short on time or energy just stop at the one.  I found that when I made it through the first that even though my muscles were tired, Jessica always made me feel like I could just finish number two.

Session 2: Fine Toning (31 mins)

Now this one was a relief...after the heavy weight days you pick up a pair of light weights and do some deeper work in those muscles and joints to help support on the heavier weight days.  This workout was gold to me andI always smiled when this one came up in the rotation.  I also love when we go barefoot and really work the feet and ankles.  I struggle with tendonitis and these workouts always help me gain strength and stability in the joints so that flareups are less.

 

Session 3: Total Body Definition (51 mins)

This session really focused on balance, working opposite muscle groups.  This one really helped me focus on form and alignment so as to work the correct muscles in the movements.  It also really keeps you moving as you are working different muscle groups so rest time is limited which give that cardio effect.  Overall a great strengthening routine to help balance out the body.

Session 4: Total Body Stamina (41 mins)

This one was really a fun one.  It is a bit shorter AND you only have 6 strength moves that you focus on and you repeat them 3 times.  What makes this one a beauty is that she changes the tempo with each round...and I really think she saved the hardest for last...or maybe my muscles were just fatigued.  I still haven't decided on that one. 😜  Maybe I will try it backwards sometimes and see what happens.

Session 5: Mobility Moves - Wind down (21 mins)

This one really focused on mobility in the muscles and joints.  It helped to relieve tight and tense muscles that we create on our strength days.  It was a beautiful way to well, wind down on a tense day.  It sure helped release stress after a rough day at work as well.

Session 6: Lower Body Circuit (42 mins)

I have done many lower body circuits with Jessica but this one...it was a whole new level.  The first time I attempted it, the pause button was my best friend.  I couldn't believe how much my heart rate elevated and by the end noodle didn't really describe my lower half...if it weren't for my bone, I believe puddle would have been the best description.  Truly a tough one but by the 12 week mark the improvement was astounding!

Session 7: Upper Body Circuit (44 mins)

Upper body, while I love these ones, I didn't realize how weak it was until this program.  The upper back muscles in particular were very weak.  At the end of this rotation I had moved from 5 lb weights for the upper back up to 8 lb and can definitely tell the difference in my posture.  I know this may seem trivial but for a gal that has been trying to do push-ups since, well 2008, I can officially do a few full push-ups!!💪

Session 8: Core Control (15 mins)

Ah, core control.  Core work is always one that I enjoyed as after having kids and less than active teen years is one that needs some work.  This one uses a small workout or playground ball to get deep into the core muscles and pelvic floor to help with stability and strength.  This one was always a joy to come around to and was nice yet tough to do.

If it is not the pups hanging around it is the little one!

Session 9: Total Body Circuit (54 mins)

Now I think I have said this about a few of them but this again was yet another one of my favorites.  This focuses on 5 primary movements within the body that we do everyday.  Who knew that there could be a workout that would help me bend down and pick up the endless mess that the kids and dogs make.  I love to do functional exercises that help make everyday tasks easier to perform and to be able to feel the change in my body.  Yes, picture me moving more slowly just to feel the new strength in my muscles. 😝

Session 10: Mobility Moves - Wake up (21 mins)

This workout, I am going to say it, another favorite.  Not only did my body feel nice and awake after this one but my mind felt open and aware as well.  This was a lovely one to do on Saturday morning after a tough work week.  I never am able to do them early throughout the week or I would add it in more often.  This one has a particular movement that focuses on balance that I really enjoyed.  Loved to see the improvement there!

Session 11: High Intensity Interval Resistance Training "HIIRT" (52 mins)

Last session of HIIRT, whew!

Where Fine Toning made me smile...I will say this one caused a groan almost every time it came up.  The first time I did this session I was super disappointed.  I have done HIIT for years but it pales in comparison to HIIRT.  By the end of the 12 weeks, while I would still do a mental eye roll when I would see it, I am happy to tell you the last time I only had to pause it twice.  The improvement with this one is real! 💦

 

Session 12: Core Challenge (11 mins)

Last but not least!  This one was a doozy.  Where core control helped work deep within the muscles, this one provides just as it says a challenge.  The first few times through this one...I won't lie I spent 1/2 of the reps laying there saying "You have got to be kidding me Jess."  Yet another one that showed great improvement throughout the program

Bonus: Express Stretch (5 mins)

I didn't do this one much because I would do Yin Yoga on my active rest days.  But nothing beats a quick stretch routine, especially after some of these intense weight days!

Ultimately, this program was well worth the purchase and I intend on completing it again, this time with heavier weight.  The way she completes this program is through the emails received each week and the focus at the start of each month to help with the SHIFT aspect.  For so long exercise was for me, and many others I am sure, all about the calorie burn.  She takes this to another level with support for the mind as well as the body.

 

I know this is one I will return to time and again to continue to grow and improve.  As Jessica says "Focus on the LIFT and your life will SHIFT".  I know this program helped do that for me!  I hope you join the next round starting June 28th!  You won't regret it! 😁

Book Feature: Intuitive Eating

January 2017 was the last year I made your typical "Resolutions".  I had my daughter in November 2016 and I was determined to "fix myself" so that I could be a good role model for her.  I remember about mid-February sitting in the bathroom feeling lower than low.  Close to tears, feeling like no matter how hard I try, I just can't stick with it.  I just can't get my shit together long enough to make changes in my body, in my life, in my heart.

Something struck me, I didn't want my daughter to watch me beat myself up...drag myself in the dirt.  To watch her mama look in the mirror with sad eyes and see all her faults and flaws.  Because I knew that is what she would start to see in herself...but I knew nothing else.  I have been hating and fighting my body since I was 15 years old.  I started my first diet at 16, when I was healthy, strong and a dancer...when there was nothing physically wrong with my weight or my body.

After that many years, it is hard to figure out what to do different.  How do you find a different path to health when you have been on the wrong one for so long?  May 2017 is when I found the book Intuitive Eating (IE).  It was a whole new perspective on food, dieting and lifestyle.  I would like to touch on the 10 principles of IE and my experiences and thoughts on each.

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating 

✬ Principle 1: Reject the Diet Mentality ✬

This is #1 for a reason...and is probably one of the hardest things.  After so many years it isn't so easy to let go of all of the healthy vs unhealthy thoughts.  After so many years invested in learning what is good for me and what isn't and spending so much time counting calories in and burned etc.  To let all of that go was HARD.  I spent quite sometime trying to figure out what to do with all the time I no longer spent obsessing over food...it was almost like a crisis identity.  Who was I without all of it??  Truthfully, once I got over the initial shock, it was amazing to learn who I am and what I enjoy.

✬ Principle 2: Honor Your Hunger ✬

This one was in itself...a mountain to climb.  I no longer felt what we consider normal hunger cues.  I found that if I tried to eat when I waited until I felt "hungry" I would literally end up with nasty headaches and would get very nauseated and quite ill.  It took my body quite sometime to finally realize that I was no longer going to starve it.  After the last several years I can pretty much tell when I am hungry and can in turn fuel my body.  It was a long road and occasionally if I don't listen to those cues...my body actually freaks out and goes back into panic mode.

✬ Principle 3: Make Peace with Food ✬

The day that I decided that something needed to change was when I read an article titled something like "If your weight loss has stalled, try removing these 2 foods from your diet."  Punchline...it was dried fruit and nuts...my favorite snack.  My thought was, so I should just eat nothing at this point...nothing is healthy.  Making peace with food was imperative and again after all those years of listening to diet culture tell you that basically every food is bad at some point...well it is hard to let nothing be bad.  It is here that the real change begins.

✬ Principle 4: Challenge the Food Police ✬

Which brings us straight to the next principle.  This is where you begin to tell that voice in your head a resounding NO every time the "good" and "bad" food thoughts creep in.  This is also where you learn to silence those negative thoughts that creep in.  So many times did I see a healthy/thin woman and begin to think "Man, I really need to do something to fix this...NO!"  Scream a resounding NO and replace it with how you feel!

✬ Principle 5: Feel Your Fullness ✬

There are 2 parts to this I think. First, to be able to actually feel your hunger, know when you actually feel full and honoring it. Eating when you are hungry, what you need and stopping when you are full. Second, not coming down hard on yourself when you are still learning your cues and even after. There are times when we eat past fullness, truly it is ok. Your body will digest and I have noticed that when I have eaten past fullness, I don't eat as much at the next meal. Your body naturally adjusts.

✬ Principle 6: Discover the Satisfaction Factor ✬

I never thought that being satisfied from eating would be an issue. Spending years measuring every last bite of food and never wanting to share because this was "all I could have". I didn't find much pleasure in eating. I enjoyed the taste of food but how can one truly enjoy something when all you do is stress about the next meal while you are still eating this one. There are so many things to enjoy while eating; the smell, the taste, the texture, even the way you plate your food can be pleasing. Take the time to enjoy and savor your food and meals. Focus on the one currently on your plate and eating to satisfaction will keep your body and mind happy until the next time you are hungry and get to enjoy another meal.

✬ Principle 7: Cope with Your Emotions without Using Food ✬

This is probably one of the hardest parts about IE...and one that you may need some help and guidance.  Right after I read this book, I discovered yoga.  Yoga, both on and off the mat, helped me look deep within and I in turn healed many parts of my mind and soul.  I often used food to try and cope with my emotions - fear, anxiety, loneliness, boredom etc.  It is difficult...but we must work through these emotions and not try and bury them.  Find what works for you...counseling, journaling, yoga, meditation, breathwork...and most importantly, if you need help, don't hesitate to reach out and find someone that can help you work through it all, especially if there is trauma involved.

✬ Principle 8: Respect Your Body ✬

This is probably the biggest difference between the most common diets and IE. I find that positivity and respecting the body that you have and not beating it down is by far more effective. I found it much more encouraging than constantly berating myself over something that was never mine to have. Genetics play a huge part in this and you have to respect the make-up that you have and not fight to be something that is just not in the genetic cards for you.

✬ Principle 9: Exercise - Feel the Difference ✬

Now this was a big one for me.  I got all wrapped up in exercise, because I did actually enjoy it.  However, it sucked me into a huge vortex pretty quickly.  I have always loved how I feel during and after physical exercise but truly did it for all the wrong reasons.  Honestly, I never truly felt progress until I stopped the dieting cycle.  I spent a good 10 years trying to build strength and only when I stopped restricting so much did I actually feel like I got stronger.  I can FINALLY do a full push-up, yes just one, but I couldn't even do a single modified push-up prior, so I will take the win!  Letting go of how many calories I burned and just doing movement just to feel good, huge step in the right direction.  I still vary my workouts and challenge myself, but I don't kill myself.  There is where progress lies.

✬ Principle 10: Honor Your Health with Gentle Nutrition ✬

This one rounds out IE perfectly.  While we never want to restrict to the point of returning to unhealthy habits of the restrict-binge cycle, we need to listen to our bodies.  My experiences the last year or so, excessive sugar gives me tension headaches and my digestion becomes very sluggish.  I have found sweet treats that are satisfying yet light so that I don't end up bringing on these negative effects.  There are certain fried foods that give me terrible heartburn, so I eat them less often.  There is a balance and finding that balance that works for you is the goal.

 Go deeper: purchase the book here!

IE has been under much fire for being unrealistic and unhealthy.  For me it changed and saved my life.  The key is that we are advocating and focusing on being healthy...in body, mind and soul.  Shaming someone for not having a body that was not theirs to have in the first place, putting unrealistic expectations on physical health and assuming that appearance has anything to do with how healthy a person is.  There is not one size fits all for body type or for health.  I truly believe that if I had not been made to believe there was something wrong with my body type and deep down genetics, I would not have gained the weight in the first place.  There needs to be a change in our world and society in the way that we view health and I believe that this is a good beginning.

It is amazing sitting here thinking back to my life prior to this.  I would never have dreamed of having this kind of freedom in my life.  I think of the hours, days, months and yes even years spent nitpicking and micromanaging every aspect in my life to try and morph my body and in turn just ruined my metabolism.  I am grateful to have this available to all and hope that more people learn to listen to their bodies so that they can live full meaningful filled with light and love!!  If you struggle with a healthy relationship with food, this is a excellent resource to have and begin your journey to a healthy body and in turn yes, mind and soul.

Entering a new phase in GROWTH

 

This has been an interesting couple of years.  Everything that has been going on in this crazy world has brought about many challenges but also much more growth and development.  Coming into this year of 2021 I have had many goals come up, one being to read more.  Currently in May 2021 I am at 21 books and counting.  Many have been fiction books, I have discovered a few great series that I may spotlight in the near future.  Some have been non-fiction spanning from Yamas & Niyamas to Ayureveda.  These are the books that have prompted much more spiritual and mental goals and growth.

One of the biggest things I have been working on it taking things one day, one step at a time.  I have come to realize that I am TIRED of the all or nothing mentality that I so often allow to rule my life.  I set ridiculous goals and in the end, failing.  It is a constant up and down...and something that drives me crazy.  I have been working on it slowly, first with my movement practices.  Previously, I would go through about week 3 of a challenge and then I would miss a day and just stop all together.  This year, I have been through 2.5 challenges and am 2/3 of the way through another.  I am excited to report on the latest as it is FANTASTIC!  I have seen much improvement in strength and endurance.

This blog has been yet another that I set too high expectations and they drove me to fail.  When I came back here, I was half tempted to delete all the previous posts to start new.  But going back and reading some of them, there is so much in them that I absolutely loved that I decided to just continue from where I left off.  I feel I had a great basis for the blog, however I just expected way to much from myself at the beginning.  As always, setting myself up to fail.

All of that being said, I no longer want to do that.  I want to just write what I feel, when it comes.  I no longer want to spell out exactly what I think should happen, then stop when it doesn't go the way planned...well no more.  I think that this is a really big step in growth toward a less stiff and stringent me.  That brings me to wanting to share more of me.  Prior to now I have been frightened to be in the spotlight and only putting out there what is "clinical".  Read a book, report on it.  I have come such a long way and am excited to share, well...me.

I also started a support page with a good friend of mine.  It is still in the beginning stages but could become a beautiful space for us to be able to bring together women to connect with and support each other.  Which seems especially important in these times.  Overall I think that we are having a pretty big awakening in life but we still have a long way to go.  I am bound and determined to do my part to help others and share my experience in growing and learning.

I have such a passion for life and am loving this process so much.  I am so thrilled to see where this next phase brings me.  Much love and light to you all! 💖

Strive for improvement, not for change

I have been on this journey toward finding my inner light for a little over a year now.  During Allie's BMS Reset (more on that in another post) during those 3 days I had a bit of an epiphany.  I have been trying to find the element that was missing during the last year, I enjoyed the hard work into breaking barriers and moving forward...but there was still a lacking.  Something still holding me back.  I finally figured it out!!  To move forward on this journey...we must focus on improving our potential and to brighten our inner light...and stop trying to change it.

I have been focusing so hard on changing elements of my mind, body & soul and it has caused me to become so stuck. Each of us has so much of that untapped potential deep inside but we spend so much time trying to change it instead of growing into it.  Changing who we are, what we look like, what we think, how we feel.  All to what end...to conform ourselves to what you or someone else thinks you should be??

We are seeing so much change in the world regarding the body.  Finally we are starting to realize that people are not going to, and not meant to, look a certain way...the same way.  Just like trying to change the body we also do with our mind and soul.  We shouldn't think that way, we shouldn't believe this, we shouldn't feel that.  Well I think it's time to say...forget all of that nonsense.  I think it is time to stop trying to conform to whatever model you may have in your mind.  Whether created by the beliefs that family instill in us when we are young or the beliefs society has imposed on you...or even just the unrealistic expectations that you have made for yourself.

Here are a few things I am currently doing to help me release those ridiculous thoughts and just tap into my own potential, personality and inner light.

 ✽  Find what you actually think, feel and enjoy and when you do, don't hide from it but embrace it.

This has been hard for me because I have always strived to be exactly what I thought everyone around me has expected.  Slowly I am learning that most of that is not what I want...not even a little...and let's be honest they probably didn't want that either.  I am slowly learning who I am and what I want to be.  Then comes the even harder task to let others see it.  It is difficult to embrace and be that which is different from those around us.  Even then if you can't embrace who you are...how do you expect others to respect and love you and the progress you have made.

 ✽  Just release the damn expectations!!
Just let...that...shit...go.  When you hold an unrealistic image of yourself and your life you will spend your entire life disappointed.  Let all that go and start making goals that help you find your true self and achieve real happiness.

 ✽  Stop comparing yourself to others.
Theodore Roosevelt said "Comparison is the thief of joy" These words sure hit home with me.  I have spent my entire life comparing myself to others. Whether it be how I look, how well I keep my home, how I am not raising my kids like I should...the list goes on and on.  There is always someone or something that is further along in their journey than we are.  We can't compare our chapter 1 to someone that is on chapter 20.  Take away that comparison.  Just live, learn and love life.

 ✽  Connect with others on the same journey, we don't have to travel on our own.
This is something I had to learn the hard way.  I always felt so alone...always alone.  I have a loving husband, fantastic kids and supportive family, yet still was alone.  Somehow I got it stuck in my head that in order to progress, I had to go at this alone.  I have NO idea where I got this notion but I finally have learned to embrace and enjoy the support that others give me.  Social media is a great place to connect.  I have found a good support system and made such fantastic friends that are on the same journey.  DON'T go at this alone!  It is so much easier and, yes, better when you have others to share it with.

 ✽  Surround yourself with positivity.
Write down your affirmations on the bathroom mirror, put them on a sticky on your work computer.  Play positive music and do activities that make you smile.  Social media is a great platform to connect with others but it can also a be deep pit full of negativity if you are not careful.  Make sure you follow and keep these spaces positive.  Above all, keep that positive energy flowing!!  Keep a smile on your face and even when you are not feeling positive at that moment, just that small smile can help to change your mood.

 ✽  Create goals that help your inner light to brighten.
For the longest time my goals were x, y & z...so that I can change my body and my life.  I have finally come around to realizing my goals should support what feels good in my mind, body & soul.  Not things that tear me down and make me feel less than I am.  It was a bit of a struggle to figure out what goals to set but I am coming around to some that are more positive.  Meditation because it makes me feel at peace, exercise because it makes me feel strong, more fruits and veggies because they make my body feel healthy.  The goals aren't much different but why you are working toward them makes all the difference.

 ✽  Last but not least.  Love!
Love your family, love you friends and love YOURSELF.  That's right, you have to learn to love yourself.  You know they say you can't fill up others cups if yours is empty.  I tell you that it is the same with love.  You can't truly love others if you don't love yourself.  One of the hardest exercises I ever did was stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself "I love you".  Seems simple but truly an eye opening exercise.  Tell yourself today that you love YOU, tell your spouse or partner that you love them, tell your kids you love them.  Do not hesitate to love!!

I am feeling so much more at peace in my mind, body and soul since coming to this realization.  I really am excited to go forward with life with a whole new focus...to improve every aspect of my life, mind, body & soul.

Featured Image Credit:  Pinterest

Feeling to Healing

Today I write with a heavy heart, heavy from hurt yet also heavy from healing.  My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years.  Many wonderful years filled with love, compassion, happiness, and yes, the occasional disagreement.  Without going into great detail, we hit not only a rocky patch but the largest bump in our marriage to date, and you know what...we are going to be ok.

After so much thinking and feeling over the last several days I figured why not blog them, it can only help...and might help someone else too.  I think that everything I have been doing to work towards healing my mind, body and soul over the last year has truly prepared me for these types of moments.  Previous to this work I would have buried the feelings, silently punished myself and my husband and it most likely would have lead to our undoing.

Here are the things I have learned during this experience.

• Communication is key!

Not only the key but is essential.  This was where the healing all begins, when we sit down and start talking about the problem.  Not ignoring, not being angry or defensive, but talking, listening and attempting to understand.  This may be difficult but you do need to have all 3 components or it will spiral downhill from there.

• Be honest with yourself as well as your spouse.

Honesty is hard, a lot of the times we just try to keep the peace.  Hold our true feelings, wants and needs just as to not rock the boat.  This will cause you to harbor resentment and eventually cause even more troubles in your relationship.  Being honest should not cause contention in your relationship when you are both open to the others needs and willing to compromise to help meet them.

• It is ok not to be ok!

After the initial conversation...it seemed like we were on the right path to healing.  Then for several days I just felt sadness...it literally felt like something was gripping my heart.  I got extremely frustrated thinking that I should be "over" this by now.  In reality...it had hurt, it is ok and normal to feel that sadness even if you have come to a resolution.

• You have to feel the feels...

Not only is it ok to feel those feelings but in order to move forward with your healing...it is important TO feel all those feelings.  A lot of the time you will feel them all!!  Let them come and then let them pass so that you can truly find your way to letting the heart and relationship heal.

• To forgive does not necessarily mean to forget...

Now this is what has been one of the hardest things for me...you know the saying "to forgive is to forget"?  Well what they don't mention is that when you forgive...it doesn't automatically make you forget.  Eventually, as long as the wound does not continue to be opened, we can forget.  But until them..it will come to mind.  Again, just let it pass.

• Be patient...it takes time to heal.

Last but not least...we have to be patient with both yourself and your spouse.  Another quote is that "time heals all wounds" and this is the truth.  Trust is built over time and if the trust is broken it takes time to rebuild.  Eventually it is reestablished, we just need to give it the time.

In the end, we are all human beings and part of having a human experience is making mistakes.  Sometimes those mistakes hurt others but that is no reason to close our heart to the love of others.  Humans are made to love and when we open our hearts we do risk getting hurt.  When you have a love that is strong enough to endure all the hardships, it is worth taking that chance.  Remember that we are all on a journey to our best selves...and the journey can be sweetened with that love if we allow it.

Take a moment to remind someone that you love them today and don't allow anything stand between you.  Because love is worth it. 💗💗

Featured Image Credit: Words of Wisdom & Quotes Cover

21 day Meditation with Deepak Chopra

I recently posted about the benefits of meditation and recently had the joy of participating in Deepak Chopra's 21 day meditation.  When the notification came out about it I was a bit hesitant as the experience was titled "Energy of Attraction" and I was unsure that it would relate to me.  However, I was pleasantly surprised that a great deal of it actually meant a lot to me and had me looking at my life in a different way.

Right out of the gate the first question on day 1 was "What are your hopes and desires for this experience?" So instead of thinking too hard, since I was unsure what exactly I was getting into with the topic, I just wrote the first thing that came to mind PEACE.  I wanted to be able to find peace within my mind, with my body and through my soul.  I would like to touch on a few highlights from the experience, just to give you an idea of what these experiences are like.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes & moments.

"The deeper the desire the easier it is to manifest it"
     ◈ This seems backwards from the thoughts I had, always seems like the bigger it is the harder to manifest.  I am hoping to be able to see this throughout my life soon.

"How can someone with bad self-image harness power. Just being yourself, you direct the energy of attraction in the direction it needs to go"
     ◈ This has always been a tough thing to for me to realize.  It always seemed to me that I needed to BECOME something to be something...truth be told it is as simple as learning just to BE ME.

"Our true self is not of our creation - but Gods"
     ◈ Right on the heels of the last one...couldn't be more true.  If we remember that we are not completely alone in becoming our true self it takes off so much pressure and gives just a bit of support to help us find the right path.

"Have a clear intention. Don't muddy it with compromises or excuses. Have positive emotions around your desire. Be open to what the universe will send back once you send out your desire"
     ◈ This was a great realization.  Be clear and positive with your intentions but also be open to what comes back as it may not be exactly what you were expecting.  Instead of getting upset that it doesn't match...learn to go with the flow, something I have always struggled with but am slowly working through.

"Say yes to life and see how life suddenly starts working with you rather than against you"
     ◈ This one came to me prior to this experience but it was great to hear it and know it is important to becoming your true self.  If you are so busy focusing saying no to the life we have it is amazing that it can and will actually work against you.  We have to be open to what is sent our way and learn to enjoy each moment.

"Magic comes from 2 things that seem to contradict themselves: Unbounded awareness & focused awareness"
     ◈ This is going to be an interesting thing to learn...how to have both unbounded and focused awareness.  Seems that they can't go together but somehow in order to manifest our true selves it is necessary to learn how they can exist together.

"Nothing in your life is happening out of order"
     ◈ I have always felt like I have done my whole life out of order.  Everything seemed so backwards but pondering on this thought...it is ok.  The way our life happens is for a reason and we all find our true self in the end no matter the order.

"We ARE miraculous beings. You know who you are and that is enough"

Probably the one of the most enlightening days for me was day 4 Effortless Creation.  For me detaching myself from anything has always been really hard because to me it truly felt like I was either giving up or just not caring.  This day completely turned those thoughts upside down.

Deepak said "Detachment is not the same as Indifference" The journaling showed me that I not only have a hard time detaching when needed but I hold on to control so tightly it strangles any connection I could have to creativity and my true self.  I am nowhere near being able to detach completely yet but at least now I know the difference and what I need to work on to be able to invite more creativity into my life.

Though I did not achieve complete peace that was my goal for this experience, I was able to at least tap into some of the potential of it and give a good start to heading toward true and lasting peace.  I am excited to continue with my daily meditation to be able to keep heading in the right direction towards living mindfully.

If you have never participated in one of these 21 day programs I highly recommend them, it gives you a great foundation to grow your meditation practice and they are truly a rounded program with mantras and journal prompts. You can purchase them or sign up for updates on the next free 21 day experience here and look for my next post on tips to begin your own meditation practice.