Feeling to Healing

Today I write with a heavy heart, heavy from hurt yet also heavy from healing.  My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years.  Many wonderful years filled with love, compassion, happiness, and yes, the occasional disagreement.  Without going into great detail, we hit not only a rocky patch but the largest bump in our marriage to date, and you know what...we are going to be ok.

After so much thinking and feeling over the last several days I figured why not blog them, it can only help...and might help someone else too.  I think that everything I have been doing to work towards healing my mind, body and soul over the last year has truly prepared me for these types of moments.  Previous to this work I would have buried the feelings, silently punished myself and my husband and it most likely would have lead to our undoing.

Here are the things I have learned during this experience.

• Communication is key!

Not only the key but is essential.  This was where the healing all begins, when we sit down and start talking about the problem.  Not ignoring, not being angry or defensive, but talking, listening and attempting to understand.  This may be difficult but you do need to have all 3 components or it will spiral downhill from there.

• Be honest with yourself as well as your spouse.

Honesty is hard, a lot of the times we just try to keep the peace.  Hold our true feelings, wants and needs just as to not rock the boat.  This will cause you to harbor resentment and eventually cause even more troubles in your relationship.  Being honest should not cause contention in your relationship when you are both open to the others needs and willing to compromise to help meet them.

• It is ok not to be ok!

After the initial conversation...it seemed like we were on the right path to healing.  Then for several days I just felt sadness...it literally felt like something was gripping my heart.  I got extremely frustrated thinking that I should be "over" this by now.  In reality...it had hurt, it is ok and normal to feel that sadness even if you have come to a resolution.

• You have to feel the feels...

Not only is it ok to feel those feelings but in order to move forward with your healing...it is important TO feel all those feelings.  A lot of the time you will feel them all!!  Let them come and then let them pass so that you can truly find your way to letting the heart and relationship heal.

• To forgive does not necessarily mean to forget...

Now this is what has been one of the hardest things for me...you know the saying "to forgive is to forget"?  Well what they don't mention is that when you forgive...it doesn't automatically make you forget.  Eventually, as long as the wound does not continue to be opened, we can forget.  But until them..it will come to mind.  Again, just let it pass.

• Be patient...it takes time to heal.

Last but not least...we have to be patient with both yourself and your spouse.  Another quote is that "time heals all wounds" and this is the truth.  Trust is built over time and if the trust is broken it takes time to rebuild.  Eventually it is reestablished, we just need to give it the time.

In the end, we are all human beings and part of having a human experience is making mistakes.  Sometimes those mistakes hurt others but that is no reason to close our heart to the love of others.  Humans are made to love and when we open our hearts we do risk getting hurt.  When you have a love that is strong enough to endure all the hardships, it is worth taking that chance.  Remember that we are all on a journey to our best selves...and the journey can be sweetened with that love if we allow it.

Take a moment to remind someone that you love them today and don't allow anything stand between you.  Because love is worth it. 💗💗

Featured Image Credit: Words of Wisdom & Quotes Cover